The Real California Gurls

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I love southern California and parts of northern California, but not central California…if you’re from California you understand. I have lived in Southern California my whole life and while I sometimes threaten to leave, usually when I’m sitting in traffic or listening to a Governator speech, I honestly don’t think I would be as happy anywhere else. Along with my love for California is my love for songs about California. My recent favorite is Katy Perry’s “California Gurls.” It’s fun and upbeat and perfect for summer. However, it is incredibly unrealistic and as a native California girl I feel obligated to enlighten the world. Let’s break it down

Snoop Dogg]
Greetings loved ones
Lets take a journey

[Katy Perry]
I know a place
Where the grass is really greener
Katy, honey, that’s artificial grass. Real grass needs regular rain to grow and in only rains once every 5 years in California. We call it El Nino, Or in this year’s case, we call it July.

Warm, wet and wild
There must be something in the water
ya its called pollution. We’re actually not to proud of that so if you could keep it on the DL that would be great
Sippin’ gin and juice
Laying underneath the palm trees
The boys
Break their necks
Try’na to creep a little sneak peek
(at us)
She’s right here, we are pretty darn attractive. My 18 year old cousin from Washington visited us a few months ago and the first thing out of his mouth, before we even left the airport, was “dang the women here are sooo fine!”

You could travel the world
But nothing comes close
to the golden coast
Once you party with us
You’ll be falling in love
More like falling in lust, but whateves
Oooooh Oh Oooooh

California girls
Technically this should say “southern California girls” not just “California girls.” Remember my opening statement? There is a huge difference in the regions

We’re unforgettable
Daisy Dukes
Bikinis on top
Sun-kissed skin
I’ve lived in CA my whole life and my skin is far from sun kissed. Unless you count freckles, in which case it looks like the sun has kissed me once for every earthquake we have.
So hot
will melt your popsicle
And you’re chocolate bars, and anything adhesive in your car, and your flesh, and metal…seriously it gets REALLY hot here
Oooooh Oh Oooooh

California girls
We’re undeniable
Fine, fresh, fierce
We got it on lock
West coast represent
Now put your hands up
Oooooh Oh Oooooh

Sex on a beach
We get sand in our stilettos
Okay it is a very small, very annoying part of the population that wears stilettos to the beach. Real CA girls know it’s all about the Rainbow Sandals
We freak
In my jeep
Hey, we spend 50% of our day stuck in gridlock traffic. What else are we gonna do in our jeeps?

Snoop doggy dog on the stereo

You could travel the world
But nothing comes close
to the golden coast
Even things that have tried to copy us…like Disney theme parks in different countries; In N Out in Arizona and Nevada and now, gasp, Utah; or Bollywood…none of these copy cats are as awesome as us. sorry
Once you party with us
You’ll be falling in love
Oooooh Oh Oooooh

[Snoop Dogg]
Tone Tan
Fit and ready
Turn it up cause its gettin’ heavy
Wild wild west coast
These are the girls I love the most
I’m pretty sure it’s the pot you love the most, Snoop
I mean the ones
I mean like shes the one
Kiss her
Touch her
Squeeze her buns
Hey now, we’re teases not sluts. Ya we let it all hang out but you can only look. Plus all our daddies are lawyers so if you touch we’ll sue you

The girls a freak
She drives a jeep
The men on the beach
I’m okay
I wont play
I love the bay
Just like I love LA
Do you also love the earthquakes because those haven’t been mentioned once in this song and they are a pretty pivotal part of our culture
Venice beach
and Palm Springs
Summer time is everything

Come on boys
Hanging out
All that a-s
hanging out
Bikinis, tankinis, martinis
No weenies
Just to get
in between
Okay that was an insult to California. What was that snoop? Seriously, cut back on the pot
Katy my lady
(yeah)
You looking here baby
(uh huh)
Im all up on you
Cause you representing California
well not really, but it’s still a fun song!
(ohhh yeahh)

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One response »

  1. I just told Sam the other day that this song is more about “So Cal,” and that “Nor Calians” are probably pretty angry to be lumped in. Katy Perry needs to get her facts straight. Or stop smoking dope.

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