Just Sex


I’m sad that frustration has brought me back from my week long blogging hiatus. I have been super busy and have so many interesting things to report. Yet it is my most hated blog topic, politics, that consumes my thoughts to the point that I can’t wait to blog on my laptop but must pen these thoughts on the iPhone.

Prop 8 was ruled as illegal by a federal judge today. But what I would like focus on is something I heard on Kiss FM this morning. Callers were discussing the idea of “open marriages” in which spouses decide that it’s ok to cheat on each other as long as they follow the rules agreed upon by both husband and wife. Most people, most women actually, were outraged by the idea. One wife, however, said she is involved in such a marriage and has been for ten years. Her sex drive is much stronger than her husbands, so she goes outside of the marriage for sex. She clarified that it was “just sex” and that she “made love” only to her husband.

Just sex. That is the moral dilemma facing current culture. The attitude that it’s just sex before marriage, it just sex outside a marriage, it’s just homosexual sex, it’s just a marriage, just a divorce, just a relationship. Nobody cares about sexual morality. Nobody cares about commitment and promises. Nobody cares about each other.

I find it extremely ironic and painful that in a society so focused on loving and accepting everybody, we refuse to see the damage we are doing to one another with our promiscuity. My husband and I had sex with each other before we were married. And I regret it every single day. Everyone told us that it was fine since we had been going out for so long and were planning on getting married. Even my Christian friends approved. And yet on my wedding night, I felt disappointment and shame. Not only for myself, but for my husband. When I decided to have sex, I wasn’t thinking about what was best for him, I was thinking about what I wanted. I let my selfish lust take away something he could never get back. And that, my friends, is a shitty way to start a marriage.

I can hear the comments now. People are going to make the illogical assumption that I am accusing all this opposed to prop 8 of being sexually promiscuous. I’m not. I know lots of people in committed and healthy marriages and relationship who simply want homosexuals to be able to experience that same joy. And you want to know something? I do to! I wish with all my heart that God, the source of truth, allowed homosexuality. I wish he allowed premarital sex. It would have been awesome not to feel guilty every time I did it without a wedding ring. I wish I could stay happily married to my husband and still make out with David Boreanz from Bones. But it doesn’t work that way. So, while I do want my single girlfriends to live it up, meet new guys and have fun dating, I can’t support their one night stands. And while I can imagine the frustration of a husband whose wife no longer has sex with him, I cannot justify his cheating. And while I would love to see my homosexual friends in legalized happy marriages, I could not justify voting no against prop 8.

It’s not “just sex.” It’s a gift God gave us. It’s a privilege, not a right. And I will no longer stand silently by as I see ALL sexual immorality slowly destroy the lives of my friends, my family, my culture, my country.

About britheblogger

I am an Orange County native who is closer to 30 than 20, prefers comedies to dramas, loves healthy food and crap food equally and believes bad days can be cured with a walk on the beach. Mother to a very smart, funny, energetic and opinionated blue eyed toddler. Nanny to a teen who is athletic, sarcastic, intelligent and always looking out for the underdog. Wife to a man who serves his family selflessly, is incredibly handy and an amazing cook. We have four rules in our home: love God, love each other, eat In N Out and always cheer for the Angels.

5 responses »

  1. Well said. You are such an eloquent blogger, and it helps that you are so open and honest as well. I wish that so many of my friends would understand the sacredness of sex; it is truly heartbreaking.

    love ya! hope you have a good day! 🙂

  2. While I refuse to talk about political issues like Prop 8, I definitely have to chime in and give a resounding amen to your points about promiscuity. Every time I watch the way our culture hurts because of its addiction to and acceptance of supposed sex-with-no-strings-attached, I wonder how we think of ourselves as so enlightened. If we didn’t have sex outside of marriage, we wouldn’t have to worry about STDs. If we didn’t have sex outside of marriage, we’d never have to feel insecure about our sexual prowess compared to the other people our significant others have slept with. If we didn’t have sex outside of marriage, kids (and irresponsible adults) wouldn’t get pregnant, and have to deal with raising the child without a dad. And if we further took the marriage vows and the idea of keeping sex within marriage seriously, we wouldn’t see so many marriages torn apart because of infidelity. The reasons FOR “free love” pretty much end at “It feels good right now.” The reasons for making sex something that only two people share are overwhelming.

  3. Hello old friend. I find your argument to be interesting. You feel that so many different sexual acts can be rolled into a single topic and labeled as sexual morality when in reality each of them are very different issues. You seem to make a terrible mistake in thinking that the basis of a marriage or relationship in general is based off of a sexual act ,and that the purpose of the marriage contract is to grant the couple with the privileges of sexual contact. I cant help but think that this view of marriage is entrily off the mark. While sex is an important part of marriage I think that the bonds of affection are SO much more important than the physical connection sex provides. Any two people can have sex because it is simply a physical act built into the human world. The emotional bond however is much more difficult to cultivate and indeed far more sacred.

    That bond is something that is shared between not just in heterosexual relationships but in homosexual ones as well. I have been as married as the law allows at this point for almost three years to a wonderful and caring man who I want to share everyday with in the same way you share your life with your husband. What makes your love stronger than mine? I understand you feel that God has not sanctioned my marriage but in the realm of legality should I be denied the same rights and protections from the state simply because a portion (even a majority) feel that my husband are iky or morally wrong? I assure you that homosexual couples do “care about commitment and promises”. My husband and I are just as committed to our marriage as you are and it hurts to be relegated into a category of sexual immorality or perversion simply because our committed love is between two men.

    As far as Prop 8 goes the question is not about what is morally right but what as a society we feel the governements responsibility to its citzens is. I suggest that EVERYONE reads the offical ruling in its entrirty to really understand what the governments role in legislating and why prop 8 violated those standards. If you wont read the whole thing then this snip-it is a good place to start

    “The arguments surrounding Proposition 8 raise a question similar to that addressed in Lawrence, when the Court asked whether a majority of citizens could use the power of the state to enforce “profound and deep convictions accepted as ethical and moral principles” through the criminal code. 539 US at 571. The question here is whether California voters can enforce those same principles through regulation of marriage licenses. They cannot.”

    We are not taking anything from heterosexual couples. We are not out to destroy the American way of life, we just want to be a part of that life. I love you Bri and I am really glad you are doing well and wish you and your husband nothing but love and joy.

  4. i respect your religious views and your writing abilities. However, Prop 8 is not about sex; it’s about marriage. Sex between 2 men is not illegal in most states. Nor is premarital sex, adulterous sex, or any other sex between consenting adults. Your argument against Prop 8, made by attempting to correlate the right of homosexuals to form legal unions with different types of immoral sex falls short, sorry.

    FWIW, i don’t agree with the judge’s ruling. While i think all not-closely-related consenting adults should have the same rights regardless of sexual orientation, i strongly believe that it’s the state’s right to dictate what is allowable in their state and what isn’t. The people of CA spoke and amended the state constitution, and that should be respected. i just don’t agree with your argument t al.

  5. Bri

    Thanks for being so straight forward and honest. From the point of view of your single girl friend, I really appreciate your transparent insight on premarital sex and how it effects/effected your experience with your husband. I think that when getting caught up in the moment we forget about the heart and soul of the other person and the expectation God calls us to sexually before marriage. He calls us to stay pure so that we can experience the love and joy of the physical bond with our spouses to the fullest without shame or guilt. Thanks for sharing.

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