If You Honk at Me, I’ll Punch You In the Face

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I was stopped at a stop light, waiting to make a right hand turn. I have to admit right here that I was talking on the phone. And while I know my driving is impaired when I talk on the phone, talking certainly doesnt affect my ability to make a right hand turn. I was hesitant to make the turn not because one of my best friends was retelling a funny story about …something…but because there were cars driving very quickly through the intersection. And since it was sunny, I decided not to attempt suicide (“no sunny day suicides” is a policy that has gotten me far in life) Anyways, some jerk behind me honks his horn. Not a nice little “hey could you please go” beep, but a long “get a move on it” blast. And suddenly, the road rage set in.

Who does this guy think he is?  The light is RED! I can make a right hand turn if I feel like it, but I don’t have to go. It’s red. RED!

He honked again.

O. No. He. Didn’t. He did not just honk at me AGAIN. Are you in a hurry or something? Well tough, cause I’m just going to sit here, and sit here, until the light turns green! GREEN MEANS GO!

So thats what I did. I sat there, despite the fact that cars where no longer crossing the intersection and it was perfectly safe to turn. A boy did that guy get mad. He’s honking and shaking his fists and yelling at me. At this point I go from a raging crazy to a calm, meniacal evil villian who’s only goal was to completely ruin that guys day. As soon as the light turned green I started going…very…very…slowly. Seriously, it was like 5 mph. I completely disregarded the no suicide on sunny days rule because if that guy had had a gun, I’m pretty sure he would have shot me. He pulls up beside me cursing and shaking his fist. It shouldn’t have been funny, road rage is a serious issue, but I was chuckling.

This is just one of countless stories I have about people honking unecessarily. I don’t know if this is an Orange County thing or what, but I feel like every time I get on the road I’m accompanied by an orchestra of horns. And I know what you’re thinking, “Brianna, you’re such a bad driver that people have to honk at you. Its you’re fault, not theres.” But no, that’s a lie. Because while its true that sometimes I deserve a little honk because I’m paying more attention to my virtual iphone bakery than the lights, 95% of the time that I get honked at I’m seriously doing nothing wrong. And its not just me who’s getting honked it. I’ve seen tons of other drivers get honked at for no apparent reason. It is ridiculous and it needs to stop.

In order to quelch OC drivers’ thirst for horn controversy, I’ve created a list of rules clearly stating when it IS okay and when it is NOT okay to honk at someone. Observe.

It’s not okay to honk when…

  • someone is not turning at a red light. As I said earlier, turning right on red is a personal choice. If someone doesn’t feel comfortable, pressuring them with a horn isn’t going to help.
  • the light turned green a milisecond ago. Just because you had your foot on the gas and was already starting to roll forward before the light turned doesn’t mean that I was. I mean, I understand that if someone takes an unreasonable amount of time you need to give them a friendly honk, but seriously, give them a second to take their foot off the brake and apply it to the gas. Count to three before honking!
  • someone is going to slow. Just go around for heaven’s sake. Do you think they are driving along thinking ” 50 mph on the highway is so lovely. But I hope I’m not bothering anyone. I guess I’ll just keep going at this pace until someone honks at me.” NO! They are not thinking that. They are driving that way because…well I won’t tell you my thoughts because you’ll think I’m agist and racist…so lets just say they are driving that way because that’s how they want to drive and no amount of horn honking is going to help.
  • someone “cuts” 5 car lenghts in front of you. If someone is really does cut you off, or if it looks like they are going to go into your lane and hit you, then yes a honk is necessary. But you don’t get to honk at someone just because they switched lanes in front of you. I don’t c are how Orange County you are, there is no way you could possibly think you are so entitled as to deserve an entire lane to yourself.
  • someone takes the parking spot you were waiting for, gives you a dirty look or has an Oakland A’s bumper sticker on the back of their car. Yes, all of these things are offensive, but is it really worth getting all worked up about? As I’ve said a million times in this post, honking doesn’t actually do anything. It just makes everyone else around you angry. The entire human race has a Pavolovian response to car horns and that response is anger! If you are such an angry person that you have to do something, scream in your car, squeeze a stress ball or peel off that A’s bumper sticker. But lay off the horn

You can honk the horn when

  • someone puts one of those stupid “honk if you…” bumper stickers on their car. They asked for it, might as well give it to them.
  • you honestly feel like someone is dangerously close to hitting you and the only way to avoid it is to warn them with a horn
  • someone is not  going on a green light. but even then, make it a nice little friendly beep, not a blazing anger bugle.
  • Okay you’re right. If someone is an Oakland A’s fan they should be honked at. Constantly.
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About britheblogger

I am an Orange County native who is closer to 30 than 20, prefers comedies to dramas, loves healthy food and crap food equally and believes bad days can be cured with a walk on the beach. Mother to a very smart, funny, energetic and opinionated blue eyed toddler. Nanny to a teen who is athletic, sarcastic, intelligent and always looking out for the underdog. Wife to a man who serves his family selflessly, is incredibly handy and an amazing cook. We have four rules in our home: love God, love each other, eat In N Out and always cheer for the Angels.

5 responses »

  1. AMEN alllllll over the place!!! Just to add to this, it is NOT okay to honk your horn when the person in front of you is making a right turn but there are people crossing at the crosswalk. It’s like, I know you’re a big, important OC hotshot, but I will not mow down a herd of pedestrians for you.

    • o good point corri! Honking to encourage pedestrian killing is not okay. Also not okay, honking at a car because the the car in front of it isn’t going. You’re just getting innocent bystanders involved in your road drama and thats flat out rude

  2. Amen! I’m not a big honker, but if you don’t go when the light turns green, I give you a quick little toot. Nothing offensive. Or if I’m on the freeway and you’re about to run me down because you’re changing lanes without looking.

    • I’m glad you are familiar with the little toot. Even if I am taking too long at a green light, I much prefer a little beep than a blasting angry horn. That’s just not necessary

  3. I got honked at twice in a span of a week recently and the last one especially (Friday), I almost got out of my car to give the douchebag an earful. He was expecting me to make a left hand turn when there was another car opposite me waiting to do the same except his car was bigger than mine so my view was blocked. I could only see a few feet of empty distance, nowhere big enough for me to safely turn if a car had been coming my way. Douchebag wants me to risk my life and others at my expense?
    I hope he gets run over. And I don’t feel bad saying that because he wanted me to risk my life and possibly ruin it and/or someone else’s.

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