Let me start this post with a warning and a disclaimer. Warning: your Facebook posts will be made fun of in this blog post. Disclaimer: 99% of the time, I don’t think your a horrible person for posting horrible crap and I won’t unfriend you for your Facebook fopaux. I understand that mistakes happen, in fact, I’ve been guilty of publishing some of these horrific posts myself. This post is meant to be a good natured jest at the ridiculous crap that nobody ever cares about and yet we still continuously post. And now, without further ado, here are the Facebook posts that are bugging me.
- Photos of sleeping people. Sleeping is one of the most boring activities ever. Why in the world do you think its entertaining to take a picture of that? Not only that, but do you really think that the sleeper is going to appreciate an unconscious photo of them being posted all over the internet? Probably not.
- Quoting depressing song lyrics without telling me they are lyrics. It really bugs me when people post depressing song lyrics without signaling that these are in fact just song lyrics. It worries me. I think this person is uber depressed and suicidal. I want to call them up, or go over to their house and make sure there are no knives around. Its super easy to make those little music note signs, so the next time you want to quote Adam’s Song, those music notes would be super helpful. Thanks.
- Negative Nancy’s. Im sorry your boss is a jerk, you got a flat tire and you walked around all day with a hole in the seat of your pants. But is complaining about it on Facebook really going to help? No. It will just bring everyone down. Although, if you post a picture of the hole in your pants, then we’ll all get a good laugh out of it and excuse your negativity.
- Intimate details about your pregnancy and other medical issues. Life is full of gross medical things- injuries, morning sickness, explosive diarrhea, blood, cuts, gas, etc. When I’m hanging out with close friends, I’m all for discussing these things. I have a ton of pregnant friends and friends with tiny babies, and I’m always hearing about their weird pains and sicknesses. And it really doesn’t bother me (I am the girl that did two entire blog posts about her ulcers…clearly I’m not the queen of discretion). HOWEVER, I really really really don’t need to hear about these things on Facebook. And I especially do not need to see pictures. THAT IS GROSS! If we aren’t good enough friends for you to tell me in real life, I don’t want to know.
- Posts about you hanging out with another friend when you just cancelled on me OR posts about you hanging out with mutual friends when you did not invite me to hang out with said friends. So, here’s the thing. I try really hard not to be a petty person and I try not to take it personally when a friend cancels on me. I understand, things happen. And sometimes, you’d rather hang out with someone else than me. That’s fine too. But don’t broadcast it in my face (book). Seriously, just go this one time without posting your whereabouts and tagging everyone your with. I’d rather just believe your lie that you’re ill. BTW does this happen to anyone else or am I the only super lame looser that gets bailed on/not invited to things?
- Ignorant, hateful and/or unsupportive political statements. So I’ve written this section twice, and every time it comes off as preachy, which is really hypocritical because the thing I dislike most about political posts is how preachy they are. I’m all for bringing awareness to political issues, asking questions, sharing information…but do we really need to see a picture of a donkey’s ass that you’ve labeled “Obama’s Face”? No, we don’t. We all dislike the government, merely stating that point is irritating.
- Pictures of food. I understand the feeling of accomplishment when you successfully cook a meal, especially if, like me, cooking a successful meal is a rare occurrence for you. I also understand the desire to share that success with everyone. But don’t. The only people who are really impressed are the people who get to eat it. So unless you’re planning on cooking enough for all 200 of your Facebook friends, don’t post it. The one exception to this rule is if you post a the recipe to accompany the picture. Then you are giving us helpful information and allowing us to participate in your joyous cooking success. Without the recipe you are just bragging, and making us hungry. That’s rude.
- For the love of everything decent in life, DO NOT POST SPOILERS! Many people, myself included, don’t have cable. We watch our shows online or on DVD. So now, I didn’t see that episode of How I Met Your Mother but thanks for telling me that Marshall’s dad dies, you JERK! O and being vague doesn’t help either. Saying things like “Omg, somebody on the Bones cast is going to have a baby” is still considered a spoiler alert. Keep the t.v. talk to private conversations with friends you know have watched the show.
- Vaguebooking. I previously wrote a blog about this and if you haven’t read it, you should. Along the same lines are passive aggressive posts geared towards a specific person. Example, “so pissed that somebody isn’t home for dinner.” Do you think he is going to read that and say “O dang, I gotta get home. My poor lady has cooked a delicious meal for me and I’m disappointing her. I better pick up some flowers on the way.” No. He is either going to see it and get mad that you are broadcasting your relationship issues to the world OR and this is far more likely, he isn’t going to see the post at all. So now your still without a dinner date, and we all know you’re in a crappy relationship. Your definitely worse off than when you started.
There is so much more, but I’ll save it for another post. In the meantime, tell me what kinds of Facebook posts are bugging you!