Except…Maybe…You’re A Creep

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why are vans so creepy?

Dear Man-

Thank you for honking and whistling at me as I walked my dog. I was feeling pretty ugly that morning and your vote of confidence really made my day. I felt like a whole new woman, beautiful and confident. If it wasn’t for you I would have sat on my ass eating potato chips all day. Now I’m going to go put on a sun dress and have a night on the town.

Except…

The reason I felt ugly that morning is because I was ugly. I was sporting my lime green work out pants and an old t-shirt. Not the kind of old t-shirt that is super tight and has strategically placed holes in the boob area, but the kind that is gigantic and has dirt stains from cleaning the tub. Plus, I hadn’t taken a shower yet so my face and my hair were super greastastic. So you couldn’t have possibly been honking to tell me I was beautiful. Even my husband, who has been known to make a pass at me in many less than beautiful states, wasn’t barking up my tree that morning. You must have been saying something else.

Maybe…

You were encouraging me to embrace the day, to face life head on and tackle its challenges with grace, dignity and smarts. I’ve been feeling kind of crappy at work lately, unmotivated, inadequate, slightly bored, maybe you sensed that and wanted to assure me “hey, its okay. Your smart and creative. You’re great at your job, you’re just in a bit of a slump. Enjoy this weekend, do something for yourself and on Monday, walk into that office and make some changes!”

Except…

You don’t know me from Adam (or Eve). You have no idea what I do for a living. In fact, you would probably never guess that I work in marketing because, as demonstrated by my lime green pants, I have no fashion sense and that usually comes with the marketing territory. Plus, I was talking to my dog, which means I might be certifiably crazy and unable to hold a job. So…why are you honking at me?

Maybe…

Maybe its because you are a pervert. Your in your mid 40s and drive a mini van, which means you either have a family that you should be toting around or you are a molestor who lures people into his van. Either way, your luring eyes are really creeping me out. Nothing about my body language or dress is asking for your attention, so please keep it to yourself. Or better yet, give it to your wife and kids. They miss you. And I have a very interesting conversation to continue with my dog. Drive along please, drive along.

P.S. That picture was taken from FreeDigitalPhotos.net. But its only free to people who post a credit, so here’s my credit.

P.P.S. I was recently informed by someone very important to me (my boss) that this post makes it seem like I am unhappy in the workplace. I am not. My job is wonderful. But like many wonderful things that are a part of everyday life, it has its less than wonderful moments and I dramatized those moments for the purpose of making this blog hi-larious

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