So I had a client meeting today which I ran all by myself. This is pretty rare, as our wonderful client relations director (who I know is reading this, hey Allison!) runs most of the meetings and then just calls me in if necessary. But this one was all me and, as this post will show you, there are some things I still have to learn about running client meetings. Okay, so the client comes in, I greet her and take her to the conference room. Now the thing is, this client was a little bit early and I was on my way to the bathroom when she came in. After I showed her to conference room she said “Is there a restroom I can use?” To which I, being the helpful person that I am, said “O ya. I was headed there myself so I’ll just take you with me.”
Think thats weird?
Ya, well I did too, but I didn’t think that until I was halfway to the bathroom. I couldn’t just abort the mission, that would make things even more awkward (plus this meeting was going to be an hour long, I HAD to go beforehand). So I just went into the bathroom with my client, whom I have never met, following right behind (no pun intended).
Then things got stranger.
I realized I had to poop. CRAP! Now this client, who just met me 30 seconds ago, is sitting in stall next to me and is going to hear me poop. And let me just tell you, as someone who has suffered from stomach issues her whole life, I am not one to take graceful poops. And I’ll be the first to tell you, they don’t smell like roses. But again, I’m way to far into this thing to abort now so I’ve got to think of something quick.
*WARNING* This next part is not for the faint of heart or stomach. If you’re eating, finish before continuing (Allison, you may not want to read this at all. You’re too classy).
I decided to do the “poo and flush” maneuver. Basically, I peed and then flushed the toilet and pooed as fast as I could so that the sound was covered up by the flush. The timing on this is super important. If you flush to early, you won’t be done with your biznas when the flushing stops and you’ll have to flush again. If you flush too late, people will hear your first poo attempt and your cover is blown. You have to flush and poo at the same time.
Today, the maneuver worked perfectly and the client only heard the normal sounds of flushing. The smell was also minimized, because the poo was immediately flushed, but we won’t go into that.
Luckily, the client was finished before I was so we didn’t have that awkward moment at the sinks where you don’t know what to say so you ended up saying something stupid like “so how did it go for you?” That never turns out well.
So lesson learned. Go the bathroom WAY before the client comes and under NO CIRCUMSTANCES should you ever accompany a client to the bathroom. That’s a freebie lesson kids, you’re welcome!