Brianna Alexander Went From “In A Relationship” to “In The Same Relationship”

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As long as I’ve had a Facebook profile, it has said “in a relationship with Joe Alexander.” Of course, a few years ago it changed to engaged and then married, but its always been with the same guy. Its very “Marshall and Lily.” Today, I randomly started thinking about things I’ve missed out on by only ever displaying one relationship on FB…

  1. Instant sympathy when you change your status to “single.” Have you ever noticed that when someone says they’re single, they get a flood of sympathy responses? Girl friends offering to take you out, guy friends assuring you that your super sexy and didn’t need that jerk anyways, cousins reassuring you that they will always be there for you. It’s like a giant  group cyber hug. No other Facebook posting gets that much sympathy, except for your dog dying. So, I guess I can still experience that one day…
  2. Sadistic joy in deleting old boyfriend pictures. I’ve never had a bad break up. That’s one of the perks of marrying the only person you ever fell in love with. Most of the time I’m very happy about this, but every time I listen to Kelly Clarkson I can’t help but think that I missed out on a quintessential growing up experience, which includes untagging and deleting photos of ones ex while eating icecream with your roommate and swearing that you’ll both become nuns so you don’t have to deal with this y choromosone crap any more.
  3. The chance to screw with people’s minds by saying my relationship is “complicated.” This relationship status is ridiculous. If you’re relationship is so unstable that you cannot even name it, its not a relationship and you shouldn’t be broadcasting it on Facebook. (o if only i could go back in time and tell high school Brianna this..but I digress) But as silly as it is, I’ve always wanted to post it just to mess with people. To just put “its complicated” and make everyone guess who it is and why its complicated. Or say I’m in domestic relationship and make all my old high school friends wonder if I really am in one or if I’m just being ironic. Alhtough, now that I think about it, I guess I could still mess with people. Imagine going out with Joe and I one night, and we are all happy and married and crap, and then the next day I change my status to “complicated/open relationship or domestic partnership.” You’d be like “what the heck? That must have been one hell of a ride home in the Alexanders car last night.” Hahaha.

Yes, these things are fun in theory, but I’m sure the reality is annoying. People asking about every detail of your break up, old flames keeping you as a friend and then plastering sickening pictures of their new fling (who is way uglier than you, btw) all over your wall, and having actual sadness associated with a Kelly Clarkson song. Yuck. I’ll stick with my monogamy and continue to find other ways to get that big cyber hug *coughbecausei’mdesperateandconstantlylneedreassurancefromfriends* 🙂

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5 responses »

  1. Sorry you missed out on all the fun. I enjoy having a stable relationship when it seems like no one else can. We may be broke but we are broke together

  2. Bri,

    This is exactly why you should write! There is so much gold and truth in this cultural commentary I don’t even know where to begin. I guess it only contributes to my constant ranting about how Facebook fuels selfish narcissism while simultaneously pushing us away from real community, but that’s another topic entirely. Needless to say, I will keep reading your blog.

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