I’m not a huge fan of sports. Yes, I do love the Angels and as soon as Kobe retires my mild interest in the Lakers will be rekindled. And it’s not that I think sports are bad. On the contrary, I think it’s a great way for the hyper competitive people of this world to get out all their crazy so their road rage doesn’t interfere with my morning commute. Sports are great. I just don’t like them.
First off is the yelling. When I was a kid attempting to play sports, my best (and only) asset was my attitude. I was all smiles and cheers from the dugout, but the second my coach yelled it was all over. Most of the time he wasn’t even yelling at me, but the mere act of raising his voice a few octaves caused a dramatic meltdown.
In addition to the yelling, there is the loosing. In real sports, there is a winner and a loser. Some modern parents are trying to take that away and make everyone a winner with atrocious participation ribbons. That’s crap. Remember what I said about the hyper competitive people? They can’t get out the crazy if there isn’t a winner or a looser. So I support the existence of winners and loosers, I just don’t want any part of it. If I loose I feel like crap, if I win someone else feels like crap. i support smiling, not crap. At the end of the game we all get a snack anyways, so what’s the point?
Third is the hand eye coordination. If you have it, sports come easy to you. If you don’t have it, you end up with a giant black eye right before your singing debut as spy #12 in the church musical. But don’t worry, you power through because while you may not be competitive, you are an attention whore and not only do you sing your 11-year-old heart out but you also milk that black eye for all the sympathy it’s worth.
And lastly is the physical effort. If you’ve been keeping up with my blog, you know that my tolerance for physical activity has grown over the past year. But still I don’t have near enough motivation to bust my butt multiple times a week on a court or field. I’d rather just strap on some ankle weights, walk through the mall and call it a day.
So for those of you who play and/or enjoy sports, kudos to you! While I may never understand it, I appreciate your passion and when my future children express some inexplicable interest in competitive game participation, I will send them your way. Meanwhile I’ll stick to artsy crap like writing. Because when I write, I’m happy, you’re happy, my boss is happy, my husband is happy because I’m his sugar momma and writing pays the bills, and everyone is a winner.
Now isn’t that nice?