Tag Archives: life blogs

Dendrophobia

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So here’s something you didn’t know about me. I have Dendrophobia*. If you know what that is you are a genius and should be doing something better with your time than reading my ridiculous blog. If you don’t know what that means, you’re normal, unlike me who is crazy and afraid of trees. That’s right people, Dendrophobia is the fear of trees and yours truly is afflicted by it.

It all started about a year ago when I was dumb enough to watch the video about the tree man. I will not post the video here as looking at again will give me a panic attack, but if you look it up on YouTube I’m sure you’ll find it. Its this video about a guy who has these gnarly warts all over his body that make his limbs look like tree trunks. It is one of the most disturbing things I have ever seen in my life. Just thinking about it is making me queasy. After watching that video, I started to get a little uneasy around trees. Not all trees, just the ones that had tons of knots and warts on their trunks. Thankfully, those trees aren’t very common and if I happened to come across one, I just turned away and was fine.

About six months later, just as I was starting to forget about tree man, I had an incredibly strange dream. I dreamt that a palm tree was growing out of the top of my head. Its roots where literally growing all across my scalp and into my brain. At first I was happy with the tree growing there, but eventually it got really big and started causing some problems. So I had my mom pull it out. She grabbed the trunk and jostled it back and forth until the entire tree, roots and all, RIPPED out of my head. It was a bloody, leafy, rooty mess. I woke up the next morning all tensed up. I checked my head at least 20 times that day, hoping I wouldn’t feel roots underneath my scalp.

At first I just thought it was a freaky dream, but a few days later when I was walking my dog I realized I might actually have some sort of problem. We passed by a tree that had a lot of roots sticking up out of the ground. They were all gnarled and veiny and reminded me of the brain roots from my dream. My body clenched, my breathing quickened and I simultaneously felt the need to run away and the need to inspect the roots. It was really really really strange. For the next couple months I couldn’t walk past a single tree root without thinking about my dream, and then the tree man, and feeling all tense and weird.

Fast forward to Halloween 2011. I haven’t thought about my weird tree thing in a while and I’m super stoked about my broccoli costume. I head over to a Halloween party where we watch a bunch of corny Halloween movies, including one about trolls (I think it was called Troll Hunter but I’m not sure). Now, in this movie, poorly costumed troll people bite regular humans. Those humans start to spit up green liquid and then TREES GROW OUT OF THEIR FINGERS. Are you freaking kidding me? Somebody actually made a movie about my ridiculous dream and that poor warty tree man? This movie, as corny as it was, was literally my worst nightmare. I couldn’t even watch it. When I explained to my friends why the tree freaked me out, they “kindly” pointed out to me that my costume looked a lot like a tree coming out of my head. Fantastic, now not only do I have to scrub my eyeballs, I have to burn my Halloween costume.

So there you go. Its November and I’m still super uneasy around trees. To clarify, its not the trunks or the leaves that bother me, its the roots. I just can’t get the image of trees digging their roots into people and then growing out of them. That is so so so so so GROSS! *shiverstimesONEMILLION*

dendrophobia

I'll never get this close to a tree AGAIN

* This is an actual disease that people really suffer from. I have not been formerly diagnosed with it, nor is it a phobia that has a significant impact on my life like it does for some people. I’m not on medication, but the site of tree roots bothers me more than it should which is why I’m going to make a bold claim here and say I have dendrophobia. If you have a debilitating case of Dendrophobia, please don’t think I’m making light of your situation. I can only imagine how sucky it would be to be even more afraid of trees than I already am.

Loved More Than The Grass of the Field

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"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you-you of little faith?" Matthew 6:28-30

Yesterday was an extremely discouraging day. Joe and I have been saving for a new car since the day we got married. After two years and 5 months, we’ve managed to save a small but reasonable down payment. The plan is to sell his VW Bug, he’ll take my Toyota and I’ll get a new car. Eventually.

We thought we were going to be able to get a new car before the end of the year. But about two weeks ago, the Toyota started making some strange noises. They were intermitten, and I ignored them praying they would just go away. Instead, they go worse. The performance of the car wasn’t affected at all, so I was hesitant to take it to the mechanic. However, the noise eventually became super obnoxious and constant so I took it in.

The look on the mechanics face when he handed me the estimate was the same look the doctors on Gray’s Anatomy give when a surgery doesn’t go well. I looked at it and screamed a little. The total was almost half of what we’ve saved for a down payment on a new car. What. The. Heck.

There was some pretty serious internal damage to the car. We know the mechanic personally and trust everyone in the shop so we knew they weren’t ripping us off. In fact, they gave us a discount and threw in a free oil change. But it was still heartbreaking to see half of our hard earned savings go into struts and wheel bearings.

After that, the flood gates of emotion burst open. I started thinking about the fact that neither one of us is going to get a raise in the near future, how Joe still has two semesters of school left which means lots and lots of time apart, how depressing it is that at the ages of 25 and 27 we can barely afford a used car much less a house or kids, and how we’ll probably never get to go on that vacation to Australia that we’ve been dreaming of. My mood matched the weather: dark, gloomy, storming and full of raindrop tears.

But then, we went grocery shopping and I was suddenly very thankful that we could afford food. Then it started raining and I was super thankful that we have a roof over our heads. Then Joe went to work and I was incredibly thankful that we both have jobs to go to (and that we enjoyed our jobs despite the lack of raises). And I went to a good friend’s birthday party, thankful that we have friends and family who love and appreciate us despite our depressing financial situation.

Yes, we are in survival mode. This may be temporary or we may spend the rest of our lives just barely getting by. And I’m sure I’ll have many more discouraged and frustrated days in the future. But today I am thankful that God always provides what we need, even if it isn’t always what we want. I praise Him for the blessings He has given us and trust Him for the ones He has yet to deliver.

Your Facebook Posts are Bugging Me

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Let me start this post with a warning and a disclaimer. Warning: your Facebook posts will be made fun of in this blog post. Disclaimer: 99% of the time, I don’t think your a horrible person for posting horrible crap and I won’t unfriend you for your Facebook fopaux. I understand that mistakes happen, in fact, I’ve been guilty of publishing some of these horrific posts myself. This post is meant to be a good natured jest at the ridiculous crap that nobody ever cares about and yet we still continuously post. And now, without further ado, here are the Facebook posts that are bugging me.

    1. Photos of sleeping people. Sleeping is one of the most boring activities ever. Why in the world do you think its entertaining to take a picture of that? Not only that, but do you really think that the sleeper is going to appreciate an unconscious photo of them being posted all over the internet? Probably not.
    2. Quoting depressing song lyrics without telling me they are lyrics. It really bugs me when people post depressing song lyrics without signaling that these are in fact just song lyrics. It worries me. I think this person is uber depressed and suicidal. I want to call them up, or go over to their house and make sure there are no knives around. Its super easy to make those little music note signs, so the next time you want to quote Adam’s Song, those music notes would be super helpful. Thanks.
    3. Negative Nancy’s. Im sorry your boss is a jerk, you got a flat tire and you walked around all day with a hole in the seat of your pants. But is complaining about it on Facebook really going to help? No. It will just bring everyone down. Although, if you post a picture of the hole in your pants, then we’ll all get a good laugh out of it and excuse your negativity.
    4. Intimate details about your pregnancy and other medical issues. Life is full of gross medical things- injuries, morning sickness, explosive diarrhea, blood, cuts, gas, etc. When I’m hanging out with close friends, I’m all for discussing these things. I have a ton of pregnant friends and friends with tiny babies, and I’m always hearing about their weird pains and sicknesses. And it really doesn’t bother me (I am the girl that did two entire blog posts about her ulcers…clearly I’m not the queen of discretion). HOWEVER, I really really really don’t need to hear about these things on Facebook. And I especially do not need to see pictures. THAT IS GROSS! If we aren’t good enough friends for you to tell me in real life, I don’t want to know.
    5. Posts about you hanging out with another friend when you just cancelled on me OR posts about you hanging out with mutual friends when you did not invite me to hang out with said friends. So, here’s the thing. I try really hard not to be a petty person and I try not to take it personally when a friend cancels on me. I understand, things happen. And sometimes, you’d rather hang out with someone else than me. That’s fine too. But don’t broadcast it in my face (book). Seriously, just go this one time without posting your whereabouts and tagging everyone your with. I’d rather just believe your lie that you’re ill. BTW does this happen to anyone else or am I the only super lame looser that gets bailed on/not invited to things?
    6. Ignorant, hateful and/or unsupportive political statements. So I’ve written this section twice, and every time it comes off as preachy, which is really hypocritical because the thing I dislike most about political posts is how preachy they are. I’m all for bringing awareness to political issues, asking questions, sharing information…but do we really need to see a picture of a donkey’s ass that you’ve labeled “Obama’s Face”? No, we don’t. We all dislike the government, merely stating that point is irritating.
    7. Pictures of food. I understand the feeling of accomplishment when you successfully cook a meal, especially if, like me, cooking a successful meal is a rare occurrence for you. I also understand the desire to share that success with everyone. But don’t. The only people who are really impressed are the people who get to eat it. So unless you’re planning on cooking enough for all 200 of your Facebook friends, don’t post it. The one exception to this rule is if you post a the recipe to accompany the picture. Then you are giving us helpful information and allowing us to participate in your joyous cooking success. Without the recipe you are just bragging, and making us hungry. That’s rude.
    8. For the love of everything decent in life, DO NOT POST SPOILERS! Many people, myself included, don’t have cable. We watch our shows online or on DVD. So now, I didn’t see that episode of How I Met Your Mother but thanks for telling me that Marshall’s dad dies, you JERK! O and being vague doesn’t help either. Saying things like “Omg, somebody on the Bones cast is going to have a baby” is still considered a spoiler alert. Keep the t.v. talk to private conversations with friends you know have watched the show.
    9. Vaguebooking. I previously wrote a blog about this and if you haven’t read it, you should. Along the same lines are passive aggressive posts geared towards a specific person. Example, “so pissed that somebody isn’t home for dinner.” Do you think he is going to read that and say “O dang, I gotta get home. My poor lady has cooked a delicious meal for me and I’m disappointing her. I better pick up some flowers on the way.” No. He is either going to see it and get mad that you are broadcasting your relationship issues to the world OR and this is far more likely, he isn’t going to see the post at all. So now your still without a dinner date, and we all know you’re in a crappy relationship. Your definitely worse off than when you started.

There is so much more, but I’ll save it for another post. In the meantime, tell me what kinds of Facebook posts are bugging you!