I’m 40 weeks 5 days and feeling sassy, this should be a good read for you all.
Dear manager at the local bagel shop,
This morning you told me my son hasn’t dropped yet. No shit, Sherlock. Do you think that after carrying this child around for 40+ weeks, I’m still not in tune enough with my body to know when a 7lbs human drops into my pelvis? Trust me, I’ll know. Also, I don’t appreciate your implication that because he hasn’t dropped, it will still be quite a while until I go into labor. Are you a medical professional? No, you aren’t because if you were, you would know what my midwife, an ACTUAL medical professional, knows and that is that babies drop differently. Some weeks before, some days and some don’t drop until labor actually starts. I come to you for delicious bagels after my dr appt (during which a medical professional informed me that I was making progress and could see a baby this week) and all you do is rain on my parade? Not cool, man, not cool.
Dear Carls Jr Manager,
You really shouldn’t guess the gender of your customers babies. You’re much better off just asking. And if you do guess wrong, don’t try to prove yourself right! Yes I’m carrying high, but that doesn’t automatically mean that I’m having a girl. I’ve had an ultrasound tech, radiologist and midwife all look at my ultrasounds and confirm that my baby is a boy. Do you honestly think that your 10 second assessment of my belly is more reliable than that? I don’t care that you’ve correctly guessed the gender of 100 pregnant women’s babies. In fact, that kind of creeps me out. But anyways, its not even that impressive because each time you have a 50% chance of getting it right. But this time you got it wrong. If you want to be in obstetrics so bad, go team up with bagel guy and head to medical school, otherwise give me my Santa Fe chicken sandwich, congratulate me on having a boy, and walk away.
Dear fellow customer at the grocery store,
Generally, it’s not a good idea to comment on the size of babies or pregnant moms that you don’t know. See, you thought you were just making conversation by telling me that my baby “looks big.” What you don’t know is that my husband was 12lbs when he was born and my biggest fear this whole pregnancy is that I will birth a toddler. So now you’ve just freaked me out AND made me feel like a whale. Seriously, you’re like 60, how do you not know that the best thing to say about a pregnant woman’s looks is simply “you’re glowing”?
Dear everyone in the world,
Please stop telling me to sleep get in all the sleep i can before the baby comes. Do you think I’ve suddenly decided that this is the time in my life to pull all nighters? Do you think I’m lugging this belly out to the clubs at all sorts of ungodly hours? Let me put your mind at ease…I’m sleeping. Is it good sleep? No, because I have to get up to pee every two hours and my hips hurt like a mo fo. But I’m doing the best that I can. Also, its not like I can store that stuff up and use to give myself extra energy when the baby comes. No matter how much I sleep now, I will be exhausted when the baby comes. Even the dumbest parents know that. I’m definitely open to advice, but please please please stop with the sleep concerns.