Tag Archives: sports

Yelling, Loosing and Other Reasons I Don’t Like Sports

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I’m not a huge fan of sports. Yes, I do love the Angels and as soon as Kobe retires my mild interest in the Lakers will be rekindled. And it’s not that I think sports are bad. On the contrary, I think it’s a great way for the hyper competitive people of this world to get out all their crazy so their road rage doesn’t interfere with my morning commute. Sports are great. I just don’t like them.

First off is the yelling. When I was a kid attempting to play sports, my best (and only) asset was my attitude. I was all smiles and cheers from the dugout, but the second my coach yelled it was all over. Most of the time he wasn’t even yelling at me, but the mere act of raising his voice a few octaves caused a dramatic meltdown.

In addition to the yelling, there is the loosing. In real sports, there is a winner and a loser. Some modern parents are trying to take that away and make everyone a winner with atrocious participation ribbons. That’s crap. Remember what I said about the hyper competitive people? They can’t get out the crazy if there isn’t a winner or a looser. So I support the existence of winners and loosers, I just don’t want any part of it. If I loose I feel like crap, if I win someone else feels like crap. i support smiling, not crap. At the end of the game we all get a snack anyways, so what’s the point?

Third is the hand eye coordination. If you have it, sports come easy to you. If you don’t have it, you end up with a giant black eye right before your singing debut as spy #12 in the church musical. But don’t worry, you power through because while you may not be competitive, you are an attention whore and not only do you sing your 11-year-old heart out but you also milk that black eye for all the sympathy it’s worth.

And lastly is the physical effort. If you’ve been keeping up with my blog, you know that my tolerance for physical activity has grown over the past year. But still I don’t have near enough motivation to bust my butt multiple times a week on a court or field. I’d rather just strap on some ankle weights, walk through the mall and call it a day.

So for those of you who play and/or enjoy sports, kudos to you! While I may never understand it, I appreciate your passion and when my future children express some inexplicable interest in competitive game participation, I will send them your way. Meanwhile I’ll stick to artsy crap like writing. Because when I write, I’m happy, you’re happy, my boss is happy, my husband is happy because I’m his sugar momma and writing pays the bills, and everyone is a winner.

Now isn’t that nice?

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12 points are better than 2

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I am not a soccer fan.  It’s too much running for too little pay out. Seriously, these guys run around a field for 80 minutes and only average 2-3 points? Lame sauce. Now I understand why every touchdown in Football is worth 6 points. It’s just so much more encouraging to see 12 points on the scoreboard rather than 2. The LA Galaxy doesn’t have fireworks like the Angels, a great marching band like USC, cheerleaders like the Chargers or a 95% chance of celebrity sighting at a game like the Lakers. Seriously, people, where is the entertainment? And what is up with those obscene noisemakers? I know it’s unique to this year’s World Cup, but still it’s enough to turn diehard fans into skeptics.

Despite all of its faults, I may have found soccer’s one spark of coolness. Their players are absolute drama queens. OMG, when those guys get hurt it is absolutely hysterical. They roll on the floor, clutching themselves and wincing. I think a few of them might even squeeze out a tear or two. It is absolutely ridiculous to watch grown men, athletes, withering into wimps if another player so much as pokes them. I had a quite a good time watching Brazil v. Ivory Coast today. I’ve included a video clip below. Fast forward to about 2 min and you’ll see a brilliant example of what I’m talking about.

Now the announcers did say that being dramatic over injuries is part of the game. I would love it someone could explain that to me. Seriously, this is one aspect of soccer/football culture I’m very interested in. Besides, knowing that this is a common occurrence might convince me to watch a few more games…